Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
