In the future we'll all be gay
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
