Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
