I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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