I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
