dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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