I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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