your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
