my sisters under your porch take her home
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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