What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Found your dick twin last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
