Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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