my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think my moral compass just broke
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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