That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
