just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
