if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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