Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
