I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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