After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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