I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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