I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
