My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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