I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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