i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
