I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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