You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
