There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize