yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize