from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
