ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
