I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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