a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
