my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
