we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
