Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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