Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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