where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
