I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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