just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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