Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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