omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
