masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
