Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize