Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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