I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
