I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
