Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
