i was rollin on her like bob the builder
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
