I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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