tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
