Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
