Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
