it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
