Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As shirtless as possible
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
