Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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