I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
