yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
