put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
