It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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