i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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