he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
