I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
