tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
