can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
