i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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