If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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